The Experience of Grief and Loss

          The Experience of Grief and Loss Grief can take many forms, from the devastating sorrow that follows the loss of someone close to you, to the unspoken issues held in the silence of your heart. Grief is a natural human reaction to many of life's more difficult events and few, if any of us, will leave this world without experiencing a significant loss. While we usually think of grief in relation to death, other losses can lead to the grieving process as well, such as divorce or the break up of a relationship, job loss, life transitions, illness, violence, and unmet life goals. Grief is a very personal journey, different for each person, with no clear pattern or predictable outcome. 

        People who have suffered a profound loss, often feel "stuck" in their grieving. They may worry that it is lasting too long and they should be “doing better.” They may have physical as well as emotional reactions, developing into thoughts, feelings and behaviors that just do not feel "normal." The surreal feeling lingers, keeping the reality of a future forever altered just out of reach. 

        If you have had a significant loss and are struggling with some of these issues, how can you transform this difficult time into a journey that leads to a healthy outcome for you and those close to you? Understanding that each person’s grief experience is different depending on the circumstances is an important step toward healthy healing. Was the loss sudden or expected? Have you been a primary caregiver? Do you have a strong support system in place? How have you or your family handled loss in the past? What was your relationship with the person like before their death or leaving?  Your own mental and physical health, past experiences, coping skills, and other experiences of loss all play a part in defining your grief journey. 

         There are core components to healthy healing: 

• Education - having information is an important coping tool. Discovering what is "normal"  and why you may be feeling a certain way helps a person to feel less alone in their pain.
• Self-care - exercise, eating right,  getting enough sleep,  pacing yourself and spending time with friends and family who listen, can help reduce the stress that saps your energy and adds to your pain. Tapping into your spirituality and other inner resources that worked for you in other situations can work here, too.
• Express your feelings - finding a way to express your feelings through talk, crying, art, or journaling helps you to come to terms with the new reality of your changed life. 
• Begin defining what the change really means - Identify your new roles, responsibilities and needs. Work on how you will accept, achieve and share the new normal.  

Reaching out for assistance in seeking deeper understanding and meaning of their loss, people find hope and needed support in this confusing time. Seeking help for grief is nothing new, but where one seeks help, may be. In the past, religious communities were the source of people's support, as were extended families and close-knit neighborhoods. As our communities have changed in recent years, becoming more transient, people look to the mental health professional for assistance.